Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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