I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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