It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
