our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
