I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
