the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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