ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
