dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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