Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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