So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to have your abortion
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
