apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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