I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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