Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
