i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
