I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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