I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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