Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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