too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
