he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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