You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize