i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
do nipples grow back?
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