It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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