I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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