She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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