I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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