Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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