why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
