Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
