Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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