Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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