she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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