I'm really into asian looking animals
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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