Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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