I wish i was in the wii world.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
