So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
