Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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