Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
