Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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