she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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