It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
