did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My friends, they love my intelligence
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
