Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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