I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
