So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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