You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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