in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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