did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
