I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
