eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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