I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you had me at cake vodka
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
