im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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