Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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