It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
