It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
