I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
