where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drake has all the answers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize