my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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