3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
