2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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