Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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