NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
