She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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