I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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