"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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