Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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