I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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