Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's official drugs can't kill me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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