I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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