Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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