Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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