She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
