I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
