just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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