So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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